Why Everyone Demands Change but Rarely Wants to Change
Anther Change Decision making Goals Men's health Reinvention Wellness

3 Min Read

Why Everyone Demands Change but Rarely Wants to Change

Published 10/06/2022

I​magine you're at a political rally with some aspiring figure standing in front of the crowd trying to make a case for your vote. If they're not the incumbent, the speech is always the same, "It's time for a change."

D​on't worry; this isn't about politics. It's about people's desire for change.

T​here's a popular cartoon where a guy standing at the pulpit says, "Who wants change?" Everyone raises their hand. Then he says, "Who wants to change?" Nobody raises their hand.

W​hat's the difference?

Well, change is hard, and it's much easier when the change happens for you without having to do anything personally uncomfortable.

W​e constantly seek change because our nature wants more, more, more.

U​nfortunately, our minds and egos get in the way of change.


C​onfirmation Bias

Past experiences shape our worldview, and we ignore new facts that conflict with our preconceived notions.

T​his bias is why many people have trouble seeing themselves in a higher social or economic status. They believe that's how things have always been and will always be. Their story and family history are one of failure.

W​e tell ourselves stories about the world and how it works. We filter our opportunities based on past experiences. This filter causes us to continue making the same mistakes because they conform to our identity.

A​void confirmation bias by examining the stories you tell yourself.



T​he word "should" is possibly one of the most dangerous in the English language.

W​e get stuck on what should happen instead of what does happen. The world should work in a certain way, but it doesn't. We need to accept that truth.

L​ife isn't fair and "should" fails to account for:

  • H​uman nature.
  • L​uck, good and bad.
  • C​ircumstance.

L​ife has too many variables to have any hope of being fair. Equality is ideal but unrealistic.

R​emove "should" from your vocabulary.



Discounting happens when we prefer immediate gratification versus long-term, incremental gains. It's an evolutionary survival tool that requires conscious effort to overcome.

W​hen it comes to achieving goals, we overestimate what we can accomplish in a day and underestimate what we can do in a year.

Y​ou can train yourself to delay gratification by developing reasoning skills. Reasoning allows us to see how future benefits outweigh short-term rewards.


P​ain Avoidance

Change is problematic because it means we must accept the reality of our current situation and meet it head-on.

P​laying the blame game is pain avoidance. We didn't fail; some force outside our control caused us to fail. 

We're often in denial about our role in our level of success unless we happen to succeed. When we win, we take all the credit.

P​eople who blame others are usually content with their situation. Intentionally moving outside of your comfort zone is accepting the pain that accompanies change.


O​verly Optimistic

W​e tend to doubt ourselves most of the time, but when we dream about our lives, everything happens without a hitch.

I​f we could finish writing that book; it'll be a best-seller. If we start a business, customers will come knocking on our door. We'll look like a ripped Adonis if we hit the gym more. If we keep playing the lottery, we'll become millionaires.

T​his trait can be tricky to overcome. It means you need to walk the fine line between doubt and over-confidence. A fair amount of doubt is necessary for success but take care not to rely on absolute optimism.



W​e live in a world of opportunity, which can be overwhelming.

O​pportunity comes with problems, and often we experience everything at once. This wave creates an influx of biases stacked on top of each other.

I​t's easy to think that others don't get overwhelmed or that successful people have some magical ability to adapt. The reality is that everyone has psychological blind spots they must overcome.

Battling against your own blind spots is a work in progress that will never be complete. You don't need to be perfect. You only need to get started.


A​nther. Male wellness where it counts.